Have you ever worked with someone who always seems to be at odds with you, someone who is unresponsive when you talk to them, or one who knows everything about everything? Sure you have! In fact, one of them may be thinking the same thing about you. After all, you are on the same team if you work for the same organization. So, how do you work effectively with the other members?
First, take a hard look at yourself. Dr. Stephen J. Stowell and Ms. Stephanie Mead explain in their book, The Team Approach: With Teamwork Anything is Possible, that they believe there are three types of qualities that make a good team member; Fundamental, Primary, and Secondary. The first set, Fundamental Qualities, are the characteristics of being a decent human being. They include competence, integrity, commitment, and support. The Primary Qualities are those basic traits needed by members to help a team operate. These are collaboration, candor confidence, flexibility, and intensity. Finally, the Secondary Qualities are those behaviors a team member exhibits to achieve and sustain a high level of performance. People with these qualities are continually learning, will take calculated risks, and are innovative, optimistic, and passionate. Do others see these qualities in you? If not, take time to reflect on why and what steps you need to take to change your behavior.
Next, ask yourself if you are unconsciously judging your team mates by your personal perceptions and standards. A team is made up of many diverse personalities, backgrounds, and beliefs. Because these members are different, they won’t see the same situation the same way you do. Try the following tips to develop strong relationships with your team mates.
- Stop trying to change the other person; be accepting of his/her uniqueness.
- Allow differing opinions. These can lead to even better options.
- Don’t assume you know everything, if you are unsure, ask.
- Seek to understand. Try to perceive the situation from their point of view.
- Let go of resentments, especially petty ones. Indulging in this emotion not only doesn’t change the situation but can creates health issues in you.
- Get priorities on the same page. Talk with others about their desires and your needs and then build on mutual priorities.
Certainly, there are team members who are difficult. There isn’t too much you can do about that. Reasons may be partly their personalities, partly their environment both past and present, or simply the current situation. But remember, you have the choice to be upbeat or angry, vengeful or understanding, bitter or cooperative. Listed below are a few types of difficult people and how you can relate to them (giving them what they need).
The Bear: This person knows the facts before any conversation takes place. He/she has made a decision and is dogmatic about it. He/she is hard to change.
-Ask questions, listen to him, agree when you can and disagree only when you know you are correct.
The Cat: This person never seems to show interest and often seems unresponsive to interaction.
-Ask open-ended questions; wait for answers quietly. Be patient. Remain friendly but never push.
The Badger: This person wants others to believe as he/she does and will continue to argue his point until they do.
-Be on the formal side with this person. Listen politely; answer him/her concisely and clearly. Avoid arguments as it won’t resolve the issue.
The Magpie: This person seems to find fault in everything. He/she often uses sarcasm and criticism in conversations.
-Don’t overreact to this person. Ignore any sarcasm and stay focused on the issues.
Dealing with people can be frustrating, but it can also be rewarding and even a bit amusing, if you remember to take others, as the saying goes, with a grain of salt.
Tags: badger, bear, cat, getting along with people, magpie, personality types, teammates
Great post! There are a lot of things in your post that I can think back and in some way relate to experiences I have had in the work place.